Death is not worse pain than an empty life. -- Lun Tha

Note:  Most of the following information is from Newsweek magazine, their November 27, 2006 edition. 

Most of what I know about autism comes from the intense experience I have with my little guy, Cartoon Ranger, age five. To prepare for the future, I research, of course.   I listen. I read.  I interact and join email lists. 

Nothing applies to everyone, in terms of autism or living with someone who is diagnosed  as autistic.  So, what I may be passing along is what I have experienced. 

The following, though, are largely from the experiences of others.

Autism is generally diagnosed in childhood, but it is not a childhood disorder.  Good, consistent help in terms of love and therapy will do wonders in helping an autistic person learn to better cope with their environment, but nothing will cure them of their disorder.  The spectrum ranges from "socially awkward math whizzes to teens who aren't toilet trained," Newsweek reports.  So parenting and teaching these young people is a real challenge. 

Parenting a teenager is tricky even with the most normal of normal kids.  Emotions and hormones run erratically, as anyone who has survived those years can attest.  Most people develop internal censors, though.  Filters through which they see and respond to the world around them. Many people with autism  lack the ability to do so.  What is understandable and "forgivable" from my five-year-old son will come across as rude and invasive from someone ten years his senior.  How to teach someone who doesn't grasp interpersonal relationships that calling out, "She's in a wheelchair!" is considered impolite? Finger pointing? But isn't that a useful form of communication?  Sure...but it's rude....

What's rude?  What's inappropriate?  How do I act? 

All of these questions are those teens are learning as they attain adulthood.  Societies clue in the young as they mature, all over the world. 

As these children grow into their teens, other factors come into play with the autistic person.  Clues that most people will just pick up have to be plainly taught. And even then, they might not make sense to someone with autism.  And it's more than just social interactions; there are also living concerns that must be handled while a person is a teenager.

My goal as a parent is to teach my children to do without me.  Period.   Cyclone is learning to do some rudimentary cooking, for example.   Money management.  And, of course, personal hygiene!    With all of these things, I can explain, demonstrate, rationalize, guide, and allow him to practice the skills necessary. 

But what to do with a child for whom "tomorrow" is a vague concept?  That is the challenge of raising a teen with autism.  How to teach them to .... survive? 

For many parents, who are currently considering that very thing with autistic children of growing ages, these concerns are heavy.  As the autistic child grows into adulthood, the question of future care lies heavy in the hearts of the family members.  

It's more than just the average worry of parents everywhere that their children will grow up safe, learn a trade, find good friends, settle down.  The teen years for the families of autistic people are times of the usual stresses...and then some. 

As the mother of a five-year-old, I have to be thinking already of how to prepare him for being a teen.  Good teachers, good therapists, lots of love and the grace of God Almighty stand ready  to support and sustain me, but the job is mine. Ours, as a family.

When he achieves something new, though, it's a team effort and we are all vastly proud of him.  And, I think, we are also a little proud of ourselves, too. <smile> And I think it's those kinds of moments that bless the parenting of the autistic child.